Monday, October 8, 2012

exhausted

We had a long week.  It wasn't the best week.  Cecilia had a short hospital admission. I am so tired.  I had hardly been home, just to shower and nap or sleep, but mostly I tried to sleep with Cecilia.  And since mostly evenings is when Cecilia was her worst, I did not sleep so well.  Being away from your family who might need you is physically and emotionally painful.  I am so grateful that Karl was able to stay home from work all week so I could be with her. Cecilia was up and down but she is finally consistently in a good place.  She got her g-tube button put in, and had a heart cath that intervened on 2 narrowings in her shunt, and her aortic arch. But she still needs to grow to get the next surgery.  Her sats never dropped again after the Cath.  I wish I could steal her pain.  I wish I could make it so she never has to work so hard. 

Since being home I can tell she missed her sisters just as much as they missed her.  Anytime Cecilia cries, Sophia gets protective and says "she needs a doctor!  she needs a doctor!"   Hopefully she will not for anything unplanned again anytime soon.  We are almost past this scary phase!

To talk about Cecilia as a normal baby, and put her medical things aside:  She has Gina's dimples, Anastasia's long hair, and possibly Julia's blue eyes (there are no brown specs as of yet) ♥...Just like I wished for!!  She smiles in her sleep.  She is starting to suck her thumb/fingers, anytime her pacifier falls out.  She is lovely and happy.  She likes to be held and walked up and down the stairs...not sure why the stairs, but I do whatever makes her happy ;) 











"In too deep.  Can't think about giving it up.  But I never knew love would feel like a heart attack.  It's killing me, swear I never cried so much.  Cause I never knew love would hurt this fuckin bad. The worst pain that I ever had." -Trey Songz