Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Fly High Demyni

Demyni is another baby local that has HLHS, just like Cecilia.   None of these cases are said to be the same.   Some journeys can be similar, and have a lot of ups and downs, but that is why it is so hard to care for them- because their anatomy is so complex even the best doctors in the world say it is a challenge.  Karen, Keisha, and I all met when we were pregnant, but Cecilia is the oldest.  They were next door, and across the hall from each other and never did they meet.  But we had big plans for them!  These babies are supposed to grow up together and be friends.  That was my plan and it did not happen because they are both in Heaven now.  

I know I am not strong enough to be an Angel ♥ Mom.   I know it!  I will blame myself.  I did not do enough...   But it might happen.    Yes, Demyni and Anya will play with her in her dreams ♥, but she might like the other side more than she likes it here.   What if she doesnt come back...and I will have to be OK with that if it happens.   Karl is on his way home with 266 pages of records for us to send to the 2 best Childrens Hospitals in the country.  Because I have to know that I did everything that I can do for Cecilia.  It is not up to me if she is going to make it.  If it was up to the mother, surely Anya and Demyni would be here!  Because those mothers are broken.  :(  

I dont know where Cecilia is going to get her next surgery.  But I cant sign a consent without knowing the best doctors to treat her condition in the country took a look at her heart and then I will go from there.   That is ALL that I know.