Tuesday, November 6, 2012

I hate HLHS

I usually share my feelings without hesitation.  I don't hold back often and I'm not afraid to show my soul to my friends and to even strangers...Stripped and bare, this is my soul, love me or hate me...but this time... I just can't.  I'll share what I can because in my fashion, it helps me to release something, but it wont be much...  this is so close to home, and as much as you can genuinely try I don't think you can understand.

My friend Brandi  recently celebrated her daughter's Glenn-iversary.  She beautifully explained to her family and friends how this day was a big deal for her to celebrate, because the surgery is the reason Madison is still with us.

Sweet baby Kate is going home today for the first time in her 4+ months of life...after multiple surgeries and procedures, codes, and rounds of ECMO, she is well enough to see outside for the first time.  Her Mother will always be fond of this day, I am sure she will never forget it.    

My friend Keisha recently celebrated her sons 2 month birthday.  Sometimes we celebrate by the week, sometimes by the day, sometimes by the hour.  Her son has not ever been "out of the woods", so in her case especially...   

The day you never want to have...you plead and bargain for it to never happen to your sweet heart baby...an Angel-versary...November 3rd will be the day that Anya became an Angel and I am sure it will be known as the worst day of her Mother, my dear friend Karen's,  life.  She will try so hard to forget this day...

I've told myself a thousand times, going back to when we all 3 were just pregnant still, that "This time, next year, Cecilia, Demyni, and Anya will be playing together and we will look back on this time with relief that we made it through"...

Tomorrow we will walk through a cemetery, and walk past tiny little graves to say good bye to Anya... and my heart will ache for every parent out there who visits one regularly, but especially it will ache for my friend, Karen.   It will ache for Cecilia, that the friend she never knew she had, and she will now never meet...but I can only promise that she will know her.   We wont ever forget you baby girl.   Forever, I will still think about Anya and I will still love her special heart.

I thank my family and friends for praying for our friends on Saturday.   I wish I could say that Anya was still with us like our buddy in critical condition, Maverick,  is...   Like Cecilia is...  :(